Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
