turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
