Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
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she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
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I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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