You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
