Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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