how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
