The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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