when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
