yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Randomize
