I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
