just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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