you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
