We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
