Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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