I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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