Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
