Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
In America we eat man semen.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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