He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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