I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
