if only i could text you this smell
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
