WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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