Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
