I accidentally had phone sex last night
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
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he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
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Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
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