Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
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