we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
