Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
