I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
