Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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