I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
