Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
