What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Randomize
