You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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