Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
