The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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