There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
