The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
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I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
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Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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