i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
