im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
