how can u be prego again
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
3pm strippers are depressing
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
