please come you make the beer taste better
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
