Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
