didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
