Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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