he wants to bone in the snuggie
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
