Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
