I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
