She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Randomize
