nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
