I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
