could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
