you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
