he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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