FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Randomize
