I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
BRING THE BAGELS
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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