I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
