if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize