Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
