Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
