sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
