I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
