I should be sponsored by Trojan
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
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