HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You are a booty call, not a friend.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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