You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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