She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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