i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
