I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
