even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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