During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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