Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
