my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
