My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
