I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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