Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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